you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
