did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize