I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
