Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
