Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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