My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
