How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
