I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
