I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
