they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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