So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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