We're facebook friends in real life
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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