the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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