I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
