y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
