i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
