i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
