areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
