I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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