I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
