My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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