guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
