We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My ass is underappreciated
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
