I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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