He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
