I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
