Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
