Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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