a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
actually, I'm a sock model
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
