I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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