So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
