Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
