I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
