I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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