what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
