i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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