I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
