Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
