at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
