"it" just moved
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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