We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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