she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm passing your future prison.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
