first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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