would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
