I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize