In the future we'll all be gay
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
