The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
