yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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