Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
