I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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