he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
